Summary -Key Takeaway
Stress can create a powerful urge to react quickly, especially when we feel criticised, blamed or misunderstood. In this article, I share a workplace experience where a short pause changed my response completely. It shows how reducing stress, even slightly, can create space for curiosity, clearer thinking and better communication.
Why read this?
By the end of this article you’ll understand:
- why stress can make us want to defend ourselves quickly
- how a short pause can change the way we respond
- why we do not need to be completely calm to think more clearly
- how curiosity can prevent unnecessary conflict
- one simple question to ask yourself before responding under pressure
It began with a critical email
Some years ago, in a previous job, a long email landed in my inbox.
It was from someone very senior in the organisation, explaining, in considerable detail, how my department had failed to complete a particular task.
My stress levels went up immediately.
It felt as though the finger was being pointed at me and my team.
My first reaction was simple: protect my staff.
I wanted to write an equally long email back. I wanted to explain our position, defend my team and make absolutely sure our side was heard.
But I did not.
I paused.
What happened when I stepped away
I left my desk and went for a short walk.
Nothing dramatic. Just enough time away from the screen to allow some of that immediate stress to soften.
When I came back, I was not completely relaxed.
The email had come from someone very senior, and I still felt a little stressed about what I was going to do.
But instead of sending the long response I had been composing in my head, I tried something different.
I replied with just two questions:
How do you know?
Who said this?
That was it.
There was some nervousness as I pressed send. But interestingly, there was also a little excitement.
Could I resist the urge to defend and simply get curious instead?
I sent the questions and waited.
Twenty-four hours later
The response arrived.
There had been a mistake.
The issue was with another department. The senior member of staff had confused their department with mine.
My team had not been responsible at all.
Those two questions had done the job.
No long defensive email.
No unnecessary back-and-forth.
No escalation.
Just enough curiosity to uncover what had actually happened.
Stress can push us towards a quick response
When we feel criticised, blamed or threatened at work, there can be a powerful urge to respond immediately.
We want to explain.
Defend.
Correct.
Prove our point.
Sometimes we absolutely do need to challenge something. But we do not necessarily need to do it while our stress is doing the talking.
That short walk did not solve the problem.
It changed the state I was in when I approached the problem.
And that changed my response.
Instead of defending, I became curious.
Instead of assuming the information was correct, I asked for more information.
Two short questions achieved more than the long email I nearly sent.
We do not have to remove all our stress
This is perhaps the part that has stayed with me most.
I was still a little stressed when I pressed send.
The aim was not to become completely calm.
I just needed to soften my stress enough to create a little space between my first reaction and what I actually did.
A pause might be a short walk.
It might be making a cup of tea.
It might be taking a few slower breaths.
Sometimes it might simply mean deciding that an email does not need an answer in the next five minutes.
When our stress softens, even slightly, we can often see more options.
Something to try this week
The next time an email, comment or conversation immediately raises your stress, notice what you want to do next.
Before responding, ask yourself:
Do I need to respond now, or do I need a little less stress before I respond?
Then, if you can, create a small pause.
You may still decide that you need to be firm.
You may still disagree.
You may still need to protect yourself or someone else.
The pause is not about becoming passive. It is about giving yourself a better chance of responding to what is actually happening.
That long email taught me something I have carried with me ever since:
Sometimes we do not need a completely different conversation. We need slightly less pressure before we have it.
Sometimes, two questions are better than two paragraphs.
Key takeaway
Stress can make us want to react quickly, particularly when we feel criticised or blamed. We do not always need to eliminate the stress before responding. Sometimes a small pause is enough to create space for curiosity, clearer thinking and a more useful response.
Sam J Rehan
Workplace Stress Educator | TEDx Speaker
Watch my 7-minute TEDx talk, We Misread Each Other Under Stress, to discover more about how stress changes the way we think, communicate and connect.
Looking for Workplace Stress Support?
If you would like to reduce workplace stress, improve communication and build healthier, kinder workplaces, I deliver keynote talks, CPD-accredited training and practical workshops across the UK.
Whether you’re an HR professional, manager or business owner, I would be delighted to discuss how I can support your organisation.
Contact Sam